Lonely, a word so short yet so heavy.
Every single one of us had to go through the misery this word carries, at least once in our lives. Because sometimes, despite being surrounded by multitudes of people, we still carry an empty feeling, a feeling no one should have to go through. This is why we should put all our efforts into helping people who are feeling lonely.
But in today’s busy world, being there for each other is becoming a challenging task. Everyone is so preoccupied with their problems or work that they find it difficult to be there for someone to cheer them up physically.
If we talk about our current situation, we can’t forget that the pandemic (COVID-19) has made being there physically for people even more difficult than it already was. According to a Psychological Wellbeing study, the prevalence of loneliness in the UK has reached 27% during the COVID-19 pandemic.
So, should we stop helping each other?
Then what can we do to help someone (loved ones or not) get through this difficult time without physically being there with them?
Well, that’s what this article is about. Today I am going to discuss how you can cheer up someone who is feeling lonely through text.
I know it’s not the most ideal or easy form of communication, especially for a heart-to-heart conversation. However, it is a skill that everyone should have so they can be there for their loved one’s while being away. This article will give you top 7 tips on how to hold a meaningful conversation to help someone find their way out from this painful time of their life.
So, shall we start? Well before we get started, you can also check out my post on How To Comfort Someone Who Is Depressed Over Text + 22 text messages examples.
How To Comfort Someone Over Text When They Feel Lonely – 7 Tips
Tip 1: Give Them Your Full Attention
First and foremost, make sure that you give all your attention to them for a while. Because even though the conversation is being held through a text, it is very easily noticeable. It is important to focus on studying their situation. It is vital to note if they need professional help of any kind towards the end of the conversation.
Another thing that needs to be noted is that this is not a one-time conversation. Loneliness is a feeling that does not go away after having a conversation or two with someone.
One needs to know that they are not alone and have someone who cares and feels for them. Therefore, you need to ensure that you are truly there for them whenever they need you (or at least most of the times)
Tip 2: Let Them Know How Grateful You Are and Be Appreciative
When someone opens up to you, talks about their feelings and what’s bothering them, you need to do everything you can to make them feel welcomed.
One of the best ways to do so is by letting them know how grateful you are that they decided to open up to you.
Once they read the text and see how appreciative you are, it will help them not feel like their feelings are validated and are not a burden to you, which will help them open up to you more next time.
Tip 3: Don’t send Texts That Sound Scripted
There are a lot of motivational texts that we see online. Although they are really important, over time, they have lost their meaning and importance. All because they appear EVERYWHERE.
And if you send those same overused inspirational texts/ quotes to your friend, it may not have the required impact on them. This will make them feel as if you are not trying enough or don’t care enough. It can make the conversation feel scripted, for lack of a better word.
Because they are sensitive and are in negative mind space, they are likely to take things to heart which is why it is important to avoid any situation that might lead them to think like that.
So, try to be genuine with your texts, especially if they are someone close to you. Use personal experience and interactions that you have had with that person. Do everything you can to Be original and try not to be repetitive. Reading the same thing when you feel sad or overwhelmed can be quite annoying and might make the person closed off.
Now that’s something we don’t want at all. A person can become closed off really easily, especially on text, so you have to tread very carefully, and every reply should be well thought of.
Another tip is to try to put yourself in their shoes and see what you would’ve liked to hear. This will make it way easier for you to connect with them and have a deeper conversation.
However, if you are talking to someone who is relatively new in your life or someone you are not as close to you, still do your best to be original and ALWAYS be genuine. Do your best to try and keep the conversation as organic as possible.
Tip 4: Try to Listen More and Talk Less
When a person is opening up to you, it’s better if you let them talk more since they need to vent their feelings. So, try to be a good listener (in this case, a good reader). However, while trying to be a good listener, try not to “overdo” it.
Long silences can have the opposite impact, so make sure to chime in every now and then, acknowledging what they are saying and feeling.
Since you and the other person are texting, and this is not a face-to-face conversation, long silence from your side might make them think you aren’t there and that you are busy doing something else.
This, in turn, might make them feel as though they actually are alone.
Remember, a deep conversation through text is all about balance if you want it to be done properly.
If you talk too much, they might think you aren’t listening to what they are saying, and if you Don’t text enough, they still might think you are not listening, so be careful.
Tip 5: Don’t Make the Conversation a One-Time Thing
I can’t stress this enough; you MUST keep checking up on your friend, even after they have talked about their feelings.
Because if you don’t and forget about them, it will prove to them that you did not care in the first place and might make them feel ‘stupid’ for talking to you in the first place.
So, text them every once and then, keep checking upon them. But do so without making it painfully obvious that you are doing it because of that one specific conversation. Instead, be natural about it, send them a funny post, ask them about their day, invite them for lunch or dinner.
Do this, so they know that they have you as their friend and that you are constantly thinking about them.
Tip 6: Don’t share your Opinion of What’s Right or Wrong
When someone is sharing their feelings with you, and you, in turn, start talking about what you think is valid or what is ‘right’ or ‘wrong,’ well I’ll be honest; you care more about what you think rather than what the other person does.
Because this is about them and not you.
They don’t want to hear about what is correct or not, most of the time, a person just wants someone to tell them that their feelings are valid, and that’s exactly what you should. Sharing your feelings and opinions is not the right choice, at least not yet.
If you start correcting them, they might stop venting, and yet again, their negative thoughts might start playing tricks with them. So, to avoid that, wait for the right time and then discuss (never impose) your thoughts and opinions on a matter.
*Tip 7: make sure that they don’t feel as though they are burdening you
This just might be the most important tip from the list, thus the star, duh! When a person is vulnerable, they can very easily shut themselves off. Like a switch, they get closed off. They brush everything off and try to change the subject. That is if they are still replying to you.
This is because they can feel as if they are a burden on you, that their feelings are annoying you and that they shouldn’t bother you at all. Even if that’s not the case at all, and you genuinely care about them, their brain will tell them otherwise.
So, as mentioned above, you need to do your best to make them feel as if their feelings are valid and genuine. Make them realize that you WANT to help them and be there for them. You are not texting them just ‘to be nice.’
So, these were some general tips on how to comfort someone over text when they feel lonely. However, the real magic is in the details, which you will have to figure out yourself because that is personalized for each person and their situation.
At the end of the day, it’s all about paying attention to their needs and how well you know them. And then, according to their likes and dislikes, you can alter your way of communication and decide what needs to be said.
So, this was it. I hope our tips were helpful for all you nice, helpful people.
Keep spreading kindness and remember humanity above all!